ARE you one of those parents who gleefully force your kids to write thank-you notes for all those gifts received at Christmas?
I'm not. Thankfully, when I was a small person my immense extended Irish family was far too skint to bother with the unnecessary faff of buying presents for nieces, nephews, distant cousins and annoying in-laws.
So I never really experienced my mum breathing down my neck in the days after Christmas insisting I spend time begrudgingly composing thank-you notes for the nice socks, Des O'Connor LP or second-hand foot spa.
But, I know a lot of you are sticklers for this kind of pointless exercise, I mean, time-honoured tradition when a kind aunt has gone to the great trouble of sending your child a festive gift, however naff.
It's just etiquette, innit?
Well excuse my French, but Je crois c'est tout blummin' ridiculous.
Don't for one minute think I'm condoning bad manners. I'm all for teaching children how to say please, thank you and excuse me – I can't abide rudeness of any description.
No, it's the insistence by some people that the festive thank you has to come in the form of a stuffy written note that I find a little difficult to stomach.
Surely a phone call, text, email or tweet saying "ta" would be acceptable in this day and age on receipt of a gift. But oh no, that's not good enough for some folk.
I had one friend tell me that she "didn't think it counted" unless a proper written note was sent. Even if it was, say, a wedding present that she'd personally handed over to the bride, who'd given her a big tearful hug of appreciation there and then.
Nope – she would also expect a formal note in the post as well.
That's what grates when it comes to some of this silly etiquette stuff. It doesn't seem to have evolved with the rest of the world.
Which is why I'm hoping a proposed new etiquette school which plans to hold new classes at the Hilton Hotel in Nottingham in the New Year hasn't fallen into the same trap.
Teaching the good people of Nottingham to be more courteous, I'm all for.
Holding doors open, giving up seats on the tram for those in greater need, not breaking wind in polite company – this is all fine with me.
I just hope the people behind this new venture don't insist on following some outdated patronising etiquette like only holding a door open for a lady.
I don't need people to behave any differently to me because I'm a lady. I like people to hold doors open for me because it's flipping rude and ignorant not to do that for a fellow human being.
As for thank-you cards, I hope the new finishing school tells pupils to stuff 'em where the sun don't shine (ever so politely, obviously).
And, by the way, if you've taken the trouble to read this column when you could be watching Celebrity Mastermind or World's Strongest Man, thank you very much.
I'll be sending out cards later...
