LINDON Meikle arrived back in Mansfield following another international appearance.
It ended in defeat, but England 'C' put up a good performance in front of a big crowd as they lost to Turkey at Dartford on Tuesday night.
Meikle again played the full 90 minutes and the winger was buzzing afterwards.
His club manager Paul Cox and his wife had made the long trip to watch the game, as had chairman John Radford and his wife and chief executive Carolyn.
But despite playing on that stage, Meikle is fighting demons of his own now back in north Nottinghamshire.
The former Eastwood star is struggling with a lack of confidence and in an honest and frank confession, he says he must improve.
After a superb debut season last time out, after making the step up, he feels he has fallen well below his own high standards.
And, last Saturday, he was taken off at half-time with the Stags 1-0 up against Dartford at the One Call Stadium.
Louis Briscoe replaced him and he went on to help Mansfield romp to a 5-0 win.
As they prepare to entertain Barrow, Meikle said: "I do not expect to start against Barrow, I am expecting to be on the bench. Louis came on at half-time, worked really hard and we won 5-0 – what more can I say. I want to be playing but I don't expect to start.
"I am lacking in a bit of confidence, well, quite a lot to be honest so going away with England has helped to bring it up a little. When I do get a chance again I want to take it.
"I would say I have been lacking confidence all season and I would struggle to pick out a game where I could say I played really well.
"I know myself I have not played anywhere near my best this season compared to last season. It is going through my head all the time and I have to work on it.
"This season, I am thinking about things too much. Last season, I just got on the ball and did things and now I am thinking too much and when I do that it leads to mistakes and starts getting on top of me.
"I am just frustrated with myself and it plays on my mind and my last couple of games have not been the best and it shows.
"I am a confidence player and I need to get it back up there and do it for myself and the team.
"Hopefully this time of year is when I can come good. I have been there before and I need to get myself out of it."
While Meikle is suffering his dip, Mansfield have emerged as the form team in the Blue Square Bet Premier.
They have closed the gap to the play-offs to three points, winning six of their last eight matches and will hope to add to that tomorrow against struggling Barrow, ahead of a trip to Newport.
But once he does get the nod, 24-year-old Meikle hopes it can all turn around quickly for him.
"On the up side the team is doing really well and is on the way up so as long as we are winning, that is the main thing," said Meikle.
"I just need to be doing better myself.
"It could just take a couple of games. If I get on the ball a lot then I can soon be flying – a player on toast as we say in football.
"That would follow on into another game and it will lead to a streak of good games. That might come soon.
"I need to act on impulse. I am an instinctive player and hopefully it will come back to me.
"The manager always has faith is us as individuals and as a team. He always tells us how good we are and that helps."
The run out with the Three Lions on his chest has perked Meikle up a little.
And, while it might be from the bench, Meikle will hope he can produce a performance that can help inspire him back to his confident best.
